


Alone

by GalekhXigisi



Series: The Unholy Holy Trinity Collection [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: M/M, Menstruation, Multi, Trans Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21562069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalekhXigisi/pseuds/GalekhXigisi
Summary: An in-between scene where Richie realizes he might truly be alone and then the emotional trauma that comes after when he finally tells the losers about it.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Stanley Uris, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Series: The Unholy Holy Trinity Collection [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553902
Comments: 2
Kudos: 147





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Menstruation mention, gender dysphoria, transphobia, child abuse, alcoholism is hinted at

Richie’s hands shake as he presses the mop to the floor. His entire body is shaking, actually. He can’t help it, the blood now decorating his entire bathroom dribbling into the hallway. He would have asked his friends for help, but… he doesn’t think he has those, not anymore. His jaw still hurts from Bill’s fist connecting to it, no amount of ice helping the black and purple bruise. If anyone asked, he would say he fell. It wasn’t uncommon and he had enough cuts and bruises on him already for it to pass off as that. 

They had left him, he realizes slowly,  _ alone. _ They knew something was out there, each of them having seen  _ IT _ already. Richie would never confess that he had seen the awful mother fucker first, but now, he realizes, they wouldn’t care if he  _ had. _ They had left him alone and Pennywise had taken that opportunity to hit Richie where it hurts for yet another time. The deadlights weren’t fun. Richie could still see his friends getting killed, could still see Beverly’s blank expression, Stan’s bathtub with blood smeared across the walls, Eddie’s impaled body, each and every single one of their deaths pressed into his mind, burnt there for a painful eternity. 

_ Do what you always do’ Start talking!  _

He remembers his time before Derry, when he lived with his biological father, still, and the other three to his triplet set. He hadn’t seen Boris in years, he and Mike getting sent to live with their aunt after their father disappeared and his mother had cast them away. She had said it was because she could only take care of one of them, but Richie knows better. Boris was already acting out, already starting his transition from female to male. Richie hadn’t yet, but he certainly had now. His stepfather was the better of his parents, getting Richie’s name legally changed and making sure no one dead named him rather fiercely. He was sure to let Richie know he loved him. 

He didn’t talk much before the move. His father would scream at him, would hit him with the back of his hand. His mother was an alcoholic that never stuck up for them, letting their father torture her children without so much as a word. She wasn’t much better, but she wasn’t as harsh and would often flip like a switch. One minute, she’d be screaming at him like he was the worst creature in existence. The very next, she’d be acting as if they were bed friends, smiling and loving on him. It sent some  _ very _ mixed signals and made his childhood confusing and often indecipherable. 

He couldn’t ask them to help him. He couldn’t ask them to help him mop up the blood as Beverly had. His mind was in fractures as he went on autopilot, wiping down the blood in a way that reminded him far too much of Stan, which left an especially bitter taste in his mouth. The blood that had been smeared on his walls for his death made his mind coil and tears greet his eyes.  _ IT, _ the wall read, wiped at with a bloody hand. Richie wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or not, but it was haunting him. 

They were invincible together. Stan dying, Richie is sure it’s what made them fail. Sure, losing Eddie was tough and they probably could have defeated It without the two, but Stan being with them… That would have guaranteed their win, he’s  _ sure. _ He can’t pin how he knows, can’t pin why he thinks that, but he’s completely certain about that fact. They would’ve won, but it would’ve been out of spite. 

He breaks down into sobs as he cleans the bathroom. The scent of antiseptic that reminded him of a hospital also reminded him of Eddie’s home, of  _ Eddie, _ who always had hand sanitizers and whatever the fuck else on him, too wary of anything and everything. It doesn’t help that he’s already a mess, all of it even worse as he sits in the pool of blood. 

He wonders if this was how Beverly felt. He doesn’t think it is, considering that Richie’s situation was…  _ different, _ to say the least. Richie had had his menstrual cycle since he was eight years old, hitting that unfortunate mark on his birthday, exactly. It had been incredibly awkward to explain to Boris and Mike when they had asked why he was sobbing. He felt horrid at the reminder. 

His hands thread through his hair, teeth grit as his broken sobs shake his body. There’s blood in his hair that isn’t his own and his friends can’t be called that anymore. It’s not like he could get in contact with his brothers, either. His parents are gone and won’t be back for another week. 

Slowly, Richie realizes that he is, in fact, alone. 

-

_ You left me! _

Richie wonders if Stan understood his own words. It had been months since they faced off with Pennywise and they had been panicked. But now, as they all sit on the edge of the quarry, the losers grouped together as they swung their legs and chatted. 

“Beverly,” Richie interrupts the conversation flown, turning towards the redhead so suddenly that she jumps at his loud words. Despite that, she hums in acknowledgment and he doesn’t apologize. “Did… Did you get blood all over your bathroom?” 

Beverly nods, frowning. They normally didn’t usually talk about it. The group avoided  _ It _ most of the time, sewer drains included. After bringing Georgie back, they knew better than to bring it up in front of him. He didn’t remember it and they weren’t about to attempt to jog that back up to pace. But he’s not here now and Richie’s tired of avoiding it. So, he listens intently as she says, “Yeah, we had a whole thing about that.” 

“Do you guys… Remember what you told me before you left to clean it,” Richie asks slowly. He turns his gaze towards the cold water sloshing below them. They can’t say they do, shaking their heads. “You guys told me to be the lookout. When I asked what to do if your dad got back, you guys told me to do what I  _ always do, start talking.” _ His head hurts and he’s reeling in slowly. “And you guys  _ left me. _ You all left me out there,  _ alone, _ knowing that  _ It _ was fucking out there.” He’s shaking and the tears are burning. “I don’t fucking understand  _ why.” _

“We - We didn’t know how bad it was,” Bill says. 

Richie still hasn’t forgotten about the bruise that sat on his face for weeks after that and the cuts that littered his body. He had showered and showered and showered over and over again. He had scrubbed his skin until it was raw and bright red. “But you  _ left me,” _ he sobs, “and It was  _ there _ and he fuckin’ got me like he got Bev!” He points at the girl beside him whose expression was getting more and more contorted as his tears fell. He made it a point not to cry in front of them. This was the first time he was crying in front of the entire group and he wasn’t going soft. 

“Richie,” Eddie says in a soft voice. 

It doesn’t waver his sobs as a hand presses to his shoulder. “We  _ fought, _ I was  _ punched, _ I went down in your stupid  _ fucking sewers, _ and we beat the  _ shit _ out of a  _ stupid fucking clown.” _ He messily wipes at his face and sniffles. “We were  _ best fucking friends. _ I did all the shit you guys told me to do! I stayed and played lookout and took all this  _ shit _ without a word!” He’s not even angry, he thinks, but it’s pent up and he’s breaking beneath the pressure. “I was so  _ fucking alone.” _

He looks around at their concerned gazes. Stan’s hands were pressed over his mouth and tears collecting in his eyes. He, Richie, and Eddie were arguably the closest in the group. Richie would deny the  _ R + E + S _ he had carved into the bridge two days before the last day of school. He had seen  _ It _ first and he had kept it hidden away until the clown was face to face with him. Richie wasn’t even  _ scared _ of clowns. 

“My brothers are gone and I haven’t seen my parents in  _ weeks. _ I was  _ alone _ and there was blood in my bathroom and I just…” He sniffles as his sobs slow. It was just those few moments of heated emotion. He’d cry about it later, he’s been doing it daily for a while now. “I’m a  _ boy,” _ he whimpers weekly, “and the missing posters never  _ said that.” _ he had seen his own obituary and the contents of it. “Really is fucking sucky,” he whimpers with a forced laugh that’s weak and tense, “to be alone…  _ Really _ alone with nothing but blood and your own thoughts... “ 

Stan wraps his arms around his friend, having crawled over at some point. He had been there when Richie first started arguing with his mother about a name change. Eddie had, too. They knew exactly what he meant. After they took their first collective dip in the quarry,  _ everyone _ knew.

“You guys are all I got,” Richie whispers. 

“We’re never going to leave you,” Mike promises as he wraps his own arms around the other’s waist. The rest of the group was collectively joining him. 

He falls silent as the tears fall. For the first time in a long while, his smile is completely gone and he lets his walls down for everyone to see the broken bits. Those walls went up when he was a kid getting screamed at by his father. Maybe now they’re down for good. 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't comfort someone for shit so this is where it ends and I highly doubt I'll add any more to it. 
> 
> Here's my Discord  
> https://discord.gg/eGkwayy


End file.
